attention. It’s my fault, my indecisiveness, that
ruined your life. If I’d pushed her away, I could have picked you up…”
Hearing the truth numbed me.
After a long silence, I finally spoke. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
After saying goodbye to everyone, I went home, thinking about Sarah. When we were little, I had a doll I loved. I wanted to give her one just like it, but she said she didn’t like dolls. Later, my doll went missing. I went to her house to play
and found it hidden in her closet. But I didn’t
blame her. After that, I always asked my dad to buy two of every toy. Even if she said she didn’t want it, I’d force it on her. I thought I was protecting her pride, that by sharing my
parents‘ love, she’d have a happy childhood
too. But she wasn’t content with a little bit of
love. She wanted all of it.
Г
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In our
friendship, I couldn’t tell who was right or wrong
anymore. I remembered the twenty years we
spent together, her standing up for me,
protecting me. Where did it all go wrong?
22
Jake finally returned, looking exhausted. That night, he held me like a docile dog, no trace of the killer he was.
The next day, he told me he was taking me to
his mother’s for dinner.
“My mom’s back in the country.”
I didn’t ask any questions, just went with him. I
knew this was his goodbye to her.
At the house, his mother fussed over him, piling
food onto his plate. She was warm and.
welcoming to me too. Jake barely ate. His
mother kept calling him “Alex.”
く
“Alex is all grown up now, has a girlfriend.”
“You have to be nice to her, don’t make her cry,
okay?”
He nodded obediently.
“Why are you so thin?” his mother asked, gently
squeezing his arm. “And you’ve gotten a tan.”
“Now that I’m back, I’ll make you soup every
day to help you put on some weight.”
His mother was elegant and kind, her
gentleness seemingly melting Jake’s icy
exterior.
After dinner, he helped her with the dishes,
quiet and subdued, a side of him I’d never seen.
He was like a child who’d been scolded,
agreeing to everything his mother said.
But on the way back to my apartment, he kissed me with a desperate intensity that
brought tears to his own eyes. That night,
whenever I let go of his hand, he’d wake up with
a start, only falling back asleep when he found
my hand again.
As the day of our departure for Myanmar approached, my nightmares grew more
frequent, always the same scene of him
building the playground, but I could never see
the woman’s face.
I went to see my therapist.
“It sounds like you’re experiencing dissociative amnesia,” he said. “Usually, the memories that
are blocked out are traumatic.”
He asked if I wanted to try hypnosis to recover
the memories.
く
23
Leaving my therapist’s office, I ran into Sarah.
She looked awful. I saw her large belly and
started to walk towards her. But then I saw
figures lurking around the corner. I recognized
–
one of them one of the men Jake had fought
in the alley.
A wave of fear washed over me. I stopped.
My first instinct was to get Sarah away.
“What? Got something to hide? What did you
and Alex talk about the other day when you met
up?” She walked towards me, ready for an
argument.
“We have nothing to talk about. Go ask your
boyfriend. Just go,” I urged her.
But she wouldn’t listen, thinking I was
provoking her.
<
“What? Are you scared?” she asked.
2008
“Yes, I’m terrified,” I said honestly. “There’s a police booth a hundred yards that way, on the left. Run. There are bad people following me. Please, just go.” I pushed her towards it, my heart pounding.
She didn’t move. “What are you playing at?”
I grabbed her hand and started running. But she pulled away.
“Is this some kind of joke?”
As soon as she said that, a van pulled up, and several men jumped out, grabbing her and
shoving her inside.
“Help! They’re kidnapping a pregnant woman!
Stop that van!” I ran after the van, but it was
too fast.
く
Police officers on patrol nearby saw what happened and gave chase, telling me to go home and wait for their call. I was in shock.
I paced my apartment, more anxious than I’d ever been. I regretted not just ignoring Sarah, running away. Then it wouldn’t have been her.
Half an hour later, Jake burst through the door. I collapsed, trembling, begging him, “Please,
save her.”
He helped me up. “She treated you like that, and you still want me to save her? Are you stupid?”
“I don’t care anymore. Jake, please. She’s pregnant. It’s two lives!” I sobbed, terrified.
“They’re after me. I’ll bring her back.”
He settled me on the couch and went to his
room to make some calls. Then he left.
<
He returned hours later, covered in blood.
“Where is she?” I asked frantically.
“I took her home.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Then whose blood is this?”
“She lost the baby.”
He looked at me, his face grim.
I sank to the floor, unable to cry, the grief choking me.
He carried me to the bathroom and helped me clean up. I clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably. He listened, not knowing how to comfort me.
After I calmed down, he told me he was leaving
A
411
<
32
for Myanmar sooner than planned. Tomorrow.
24
The next morning, he drove me to his mother’s house and led me to the basement.
“Don’t worry. The code is your birthday. It won’t activate for 24 hours. You can leave anytime,” he reassured me.
“What do you mean? I thought we were going to Myanmar?” I stared at him, confused.
“You really thought I’d take you back there?” He chuckled. “Emily, I never wanted to hurt
your parents, and I never intended to take you back to Myanmar.”
“It’s safe here. Don’t open the door for anyone,
not even the police. Only open it for your dad.
Understand?”
“What about you?”
<
“Me? I’m going to take a look at hell for you.
It’s not a nice place. You should stay here.” He
kissed my forehead. “That Facebook account is
mine. The password, my diary password, it’s all
your birthday.”
“Forget about me. I’m a jerk.”
He closed the basement door.
I waited anxiously in the basement for three
days and nights. Just as I was about to lose it, I
heard a knock.
“Emily, it’s Dad.”
Opening the door, I felt like I was seeing the
light for the first time in days. He shielded my eyes from the sudden brightness, pulling me
into a hug.
“Where is he?” I asked.
My dad sighed. “Let’s go home.”
Back at my apartment, my dad cooked while I
watched the news.
“Police have broken up a major international
smuggling ring. The leader of the organization
was killed in a shootout with police.”
My world went silent.
He was gone.
He’d said goodbye to me, knowing he was
going to die.
I curled up on the couch, numb.
The police came to my apartment, assuring me
I was safe now.
“He’s not dead,” the officer said quietly. He
- )
32
<
explained that Jake had been captured in
Myanmar and had agreed to cooperate with the police to take down a large–scale international smuggling operation.
“He knew it was a dangerous gamble, that he
could be killed, but he was determined. He wanted to die.”
“Every move he made was a step towards his own death.”
